Hip to What's Key

So, I'm going on a Club Crawl tomorrow night for a friend's stag. I'm sure I'll have a good time - I mean, there is booze involved - but a few members of our group are trend whoring fasionistas who are insisting that one of our stops be some pretentious "Lounge" (can we please get a moratorium on these fucking places!!). Anyways, I checked out the website and..... well let me put it this way: They have a pond in the middle of the club with floating candles in it. Floating Candles for Christ's Sake!!!! Fucking feng shui bullshit. But I digress...

These same "guys" in our group, although cool in their own way, are going to spend hours getting primped and pretty for the Crawl - which is not cool.... in fact its sad. I weep for their testicles. I can picture them wearing $150 jeans (its denim. Seriously. You're a fag) with white dress shoes. What the fuck is that? Dudes should only wear white shoes if they're playing a sport!

Readers, can you help me out here? I am thoroughly confused by the ever growing trend of straight dudes trying to look homosexual. Don't get me wrong, I love the lighter loafers. They are a hell of a lot better looking than I, and the fact that they love dick and not the "good stuff" just makes it easier for me to score ladies. Kind of evens out the playing field... so to speak. But they're gay, so i don't bat a manlash when i see one walking down the street, all Couture'd up and shit. He's just doing his thing. But do women really like dudes who read Cosmo, or at least look like they read Cosmo?

Please don't misunderstand, I do like to look good. I own a few very sharp suits and I've spent a fortune on ties. My clothes are clean and my manpanties are hole less. But I draw the line at looking "too good". You know what I mean, the guy who spent hours picking out his wardrobe, getting his eyebrows waxed, his skivies pressed etc. If you're not sure how to tell apart those who look good from those who look too good, simply spill a drink on their shoes. If he flips out, then he is one good push from taking a dude home from the bar. If he doesn't give a shit and then uses that as an ice breaker to get your number then you've found your guy. Unless you like the Ryan Seacrest type.

Anyhooo.... I plan on getting absolutely shitfaced tomorrow. And the Lounge won't be too bad, I'll just pass the time playing "Is He Gay or European?". Great game.

Until next time....