Friday, September 26, 2008

Hip to What's Key

So, I'm going on a Club Crawl tomorrow night for a friend's stag. I'm sure I'll have a good time - I mean, there is booze involved - but a few members of our group are trend whoring fasionistas who are insisting that one of our stops be some pretentious "Lounge" (can we please get a moratorium on these fucking places!!). Anyways, I checked out the website and..... well let me put it this way: They have a pond in the middle of the club with floating candles in it. Floating Candles for Christ's Sake!!!! Fucking feng shui bullshit. But I digress...

These same "guys" in our group, although cool in their own way, are going to spend hours getting primped and pretty for the Crawl - which is not cool.... in fact its sad. I weep for their testicles. I can picture them wearing $150 jeans (its denim. Seriously. You're a fag) with white dress shoes. What the fuck is that? Dudes should only wear white shoes if they're playing a sport!

Readers, can you help me out here? I am thoroughly confused by the ever growing trend of straight dudes trying to look homosexual. Don't get me wrong, I love the lighter loafers. They are a hell of a lot better looking than I, and the fact that they love dick and not the "good stuff" just makes it easier for me to score ladies. Kind of evens out the playing field... so to speak. But they're gay, so i don't bat a manlash when i see one walking down the street, all Couture'd up and shit. He's just doing his thing. But do women really like dudes who read Cosmo, or at least look like they read Cosmo?

Please don't misunderstand, I do like to look good. I own a few very sharp suits and I've spent a fortune on ties. My clothes are clean and my manpanties are hole less. But I draw the line at looking "too good". You know what I mean, the guy who spent hours picking out his wardrobe, getting his eyebrows waxed, his skivies pressed etc. If you're not sure how to tell apart those who look good from those who look too good, simply spill a drink on their shoes. If he flips out, then he is one good push from taking a dude home from the bar. If he doesn't give a shit and then uses that as an ice breaker to get your number then you've found your guy. Unless you like the Ryan Seacrest type.

Anyhooo.... I plan on getting absolutely shitfaced tomorrow. And the Lounge won't be too bad, I'll just pass the time playing "Is He Gay or European?". Great game.

Until next time....

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Portrait of the Political Hack as an Empty Man

I always suspected that Steven Harper was a soulless fascist. I'm not sure if it was his not quite right Ken Doll hair cut or the bland grey suits he wears or his empty snake like eyes but there was just something that screamed "I'M DEAD INSIDE!" whenever I looked at him.

Then I read this, and all my suspicions were legitimized:

Wow. I can't believe I've been wasting my time all these years listening to music or going to art galleries. Thank you Mr. Harper for shedding some light on this issue. The Arts are a waste of time and money - I mean, who needs it right? Right? Its not like anyone actually admires a nation's culture through its paintings, sculptures, music, architecture, poetry or literature. I know, for instance, that what I love most about Greek History is their culture of fiscal solvency and conservative social policy. Everything else is just fluff. But I digress....

I'll be sure to tell all the "normal" and "ordinary" Canadians I meet that its in their children's best interest that their school no longer offers music or art classes. Seriously, is political hackery really worth your soul Mr. Harper? Are you so easily bought? A nations culture, its very identity is bankrupt without art.

Now, I realize that you think this is "a niche issue to some" (Unlike Gay marriage, that has obvious global implications) but please don't pretend you speak for all us "ordinary" Canadians ever again. You are governing this country on an agenda with an obviously regional perspective that fails to represent the values of the majority. Not all of our nations children want to be farmers or oil riggers, some of us want to be sculptors or writers as well.

Speaking of writers, i fancy myself an amateur wordsmith. Part of my growth is learning how to effectively wrap up or conclude a piece of writing. This has always been a struggle for me so with this posting I think I'll be as succinct as possible:

Only a fascist believes that freedom is the absence of choice. Be it a woman's choice to explore her pregnancy options or a child's choice to paint or sculpt. I believe in a more vibrant Canada than what you have offered and I weep for the future of this nation if you bully and cajole your way to another election win. My only solace is knowing that eventually Satan will come calling. I mean, a deal is a deal right?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

First Post

A short one, just to get things rolling (I'm busy at work... ok, I'm not busy... ok, I could be busy but this job is emptier than a Michael Bay joint).

All are free to comment on this blog. I'm not the thought police and I encourage a good healthy dialogue on the topics of the day. However, if you post any blatantly racist or otherwise offensive comments I will erase them. Too vague? Let me explain the difference between discourse and offensive...

Topic: Crime Demographics and How they are Inherently Racist and Misleading.

Discourse: It seems like blacks commit all the crime in the neighborhood/city/country. Its all I see on TV or read about in the paper.
- this conclusion couldn't be more wrong although it is very easy to be mislead by the media. anyone who posts something like this seems to be open for a discussion and not a complete idiot or ignorant redneck.

Offensive: Blacks are genetically inferior and predisposed to crime.
- you are obviously a toothless mouth breather. Please Fuck Off