Friday, October 9, 2009

Halloween Costume Alternatives

If your costume hasn't offended anyone, then you just didn't try hard enough. So with that in mind, here a several options to consider this year:

1. The Rapist (see photo) - Complete with prototypical rapist glasses and too small shirt, this predator is a sexy nurse's worst nightmare. Have a sack of Tic Tacs at your disposal and go around dropping them in the drinks of every naughty school girl you see. When confronted (a guarantee) just stare at their tits with a look of moronic lust and utter "hummuna hummuna hummuna hummuna...." Bonus points if you can get laid at the end of the night (minus the sexual assault of course).

2. Survivor of a Botched Abortion (aka, a Buffalo resident) - This will get you high fives and quite possibly murdered, depends on where you unleash this gem of a disguise. Attach a wire coat hanger to your skull (you'll figure it out) and don a Bills jersey or I Love Buffalo t-shirt (or whatever backward city/town near you that fits the bill). That's it. You may need to explain to confused party goers exactly what your get up signifies - but once you do its magic time. Perhaps as an added prop you can have fliers made up to hand out to fellow trick or treaters. Have your picture with the caption: Abortion hurts real bad. Look at me!. Good times.

3. The Wine Box (see pic): This is fucking genius. Period. What's better than getting hot chicks (or any chick for that matter) to drink booze from an udder that very well could be your dick. Even better if you have real wine for the ladies. Kudos's to the guy who dreamed this one up.

4. The Vagina Terrorist: Wear one of those Muslim man dresses with a Ron Jeremy T-shirt over top and attach a kick ass 80's porn style stache to your face (bonus points if you can grow one). Then go around saying things like "I declare Jihad on your pussy", or, "Hello infidel whore, if you play your cards right i might fatwa in your ass later tonight." This costume is a party winner and sure to please the ladies.

So with these in mind, go out and have a great time. Being an offensive ass is good healthy fun. You're welcome.

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