Pop Goes The Culture

I had a brief yet humorous run in with a co-worker today regarding what constitutes "current events". This young lady (we'll call her Sally Flatass) waltzes into my office this morning, chuckling, and proceeds to tell me about something she just read on tmz.com. (side note: if you are not aware of the site don't worry. If you can count to ten without using your fingers and read books without pictures then then you just won't get the joke. And trust me, there's nothing wrong with that.)

Anyways, apparently Madonna split with her "hubby" Guy Ritchie and is now banging NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez. I respond with an incredulous "Why?" So Sally begins to tell me about their "relationship" but i tuned her out almost immediately because its obvious we're just not on the same wavelength. I'm confused as to why the "guy" who directed "Lock Stock" and the tastily named "Snatch" married that old hag in the first place. But I'm completely dumbfounded as to why A-Rod is banging that bag of bones now! That slob has had so much dick that A-Rod would need a Louisville Slugger sized hammer to get any sexual reciprocity.

I of course neglect to add this particular commentary as I don't want any calls from Human Resources next week. However, i don't want to be rude either so i offer Sally a polite chuckle and then ask if she saw Colbert last night (mediocre episode, expected more). This look of pained confusion enveloped her face as Sally informed me that she didn't watch "those types of shows". That in itself is fine as comedy is a personal taste but when I asked her what she prefers to watch she answered "Wife Swap, Survivor and America's Next Top Heroin Addict (Model)". I knee jerked me next response.... "Um, did you vote this week in the Federal Election?" There was that same pained, confused look again! "Hehe, there was an election this week?" Sweet Jesus titty fuck. Mercifully the phone rang and Sally took her flat ass away.

After i got off the phone the only thing i could think about was that this vacant minded mouth breather actually votes (or could, if she knew when the fucking elections were). shudder...... Anyways, there was a neglected pooch that needed screwing so i decided to check out this tmz site to see what her fascination with it was. Ugh....

The first story caption i read was "Denis From Denis The Menace: "Memba Him?". &%$#@!!!... vomit inducing, i know. Even worse when i realized that someone gets paid to write this shit.

But wait, it gets better...

The next caption read "Billy Joel's Uptown Girls Are Smokin': His driving record isn't so hot -- but damn, the women he's bedded sure are!" I kid you not. Someone actually wrote that. Apparently he's nailing a woman more than half his age. Good for him. Asshole.

So, I'm an hour now into this site (its kind of like the KFC big crunch sandwich, i know its awful for me but i just can't stop myself!) and I'm completely up to date on all the insignificant "news" i can stomach. I'm now dumber for having done this. Yet just as I am about to sign off I finally realize something; There aren't any articles on this site, just captions for all the ridiculous video's that are posted. Someone actually gets paid to post a video and then upchuck an accompanying caption.... wait... who's the dummy? FUCK!! I'm so in the wrong business.