Sorry for the absence. Not really though. Go fuck yourselves.
Here's a little something for my fellow sci-fi geeks.
http://www.cracked.com/article_17546_7-classic-star-wars-characters-who-totally-dropped-ball.html
This is awesome. And its inspired me to create something likewise. I'll post it soon. Hopefully.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Holy Nine Day Layoff Batman!
Where the fuck did I go?? Well, in the past 9 days I lost the opening week of my fantasy football season (I'll post my draft analysis shortly for those who give a shit), I made the finals of my fantasy baseball playoffs.... $120 could be mine.. I'll be a millionaire!!! Ummm.... oh yea, heard my yet to be born child's heartbeat. That was pretty sweet. And... looking for a new job because my current one (although awesome) just doesn't pay enough with a kid on the way and the Mat leave pay cut we'll have to swallow in the new year. Shitty deal but Family above all right?
In other news: Stephen Harper is still a snake eyed fuck. Republicans are still hate mongering, platitude spewing mouth breathers. And I'm still a cynical sonnovabitch!
More topical posts to follow. Just wanted you guys to know that I'm still out here, observing with my sideways eye, ready to crack off at the ignorant masses who never cease to amaze me with their steadfast rejection of logical, sober, intelligent thought.
In other news: Stephen Harper is still a snake eyed fuck. Republicans are still hate mongering, platitude spewing mouth breathers. And I'm still a cynical sonnovabitch!
More topical posts to follow. Just wanted you guys to know that I'm still out here, observing with my sideways eye, ready to crack off at the ignorant masses who never cease to amaze me with their steadfast rejection of logical, sober, intelligent thought.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Click Me... this is fucking hilarious
... and I don't mean "ha ha I love Don Rickles" kind of funny (side note: if you don't think Don Rickles is funny then you are worse than Hitler), I mean "Oh dear, that retarded kid is licking the sidewalk" kind of funny. In other words, its not really their fault - they just don't know any better.
Seriously, I laughed out loud when I watched this. "You think I am a lier? Well you should have met my great great great grandmother Ethel, she always told the truth". Of course she did, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.
Seriously, I laughed out loud when I watched this. "You think I am a lier? Well you should have met my great great great grandmother Ethel, she always told the truth". Of course she did, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.
Friday, September 11, 2009
This Guy meanders more than I do! (click here for article)
... and that's a shit load of meander!
At first I wanted to write a rebuttal on here but after a quick re-read I noticed that there really isn't anything to argue against. Its really just a series of random statements loosely tied to 9/11. So instead, I have this:
An editorial should basically be a short essay. You have an opinion to share and you use your savvy as a writer and researcher to support it. A proper essay is structured as follows:
1. Introduce your topic
2. Formulate an argument
3. Using evidence (empirical or otherwise), defend your argument
4. Conclude the essay
Of these 4 steps, by far the most important is #3. In quantifiable academic terms, the use of evidence (relevance and depth of research) is paramount to getting a passing grade - say 70-80% of your mark. In this regard, Ralph Peters fails miserably.
Evidence:
After introducing his topic (the 9/11 legacy) Ralph forms a very succinct argument: "We've learned nothing" (loss of marks for poor grammar here). Yet after a promising start this piece goes off the rails almost immediately.
"Instead of acknowledging that radical Islam is the problem, we elected a president who blames America" .... "Instead of protecting law-abiding Americans, we reject profiling to avoid offending terrorists." ..... "Instead of asking why Middle Eastern civilization has failed so abjectly, our president suggests that we're the failures. " .... "Instead of proudly and promptly rebuilding on the site of the Twin Towers, we've committed ourselves to the hopeless, useless task of rebuilding Afghanistan."
Spurious hyperbole and partisan rhetoric is not evidence. Not one source was noted, no stats referenced and not even a single quote in this series of quick strike talking points.
This is dangerous, irresponsible journalism. Not because I disagree with him, but because his "arguments" carry a significant amount of influence with the slack jawed masses that DO agree with him - without question. I'm not suggestion censure either, but an editor should have the balls to demand his contributors (Peters is not a NYpost writer, he's freelance) back up their claims with tangible evidence if they are going to write such inflammatory editorials as this.
Or, if you receive a paper that basically calls Obama an America hating, Christian and Jew hating, Saudi loving, freedom oppressing, elitist nigger who's in cahoots with Bin Laden.... tell the author to go fuck himself and peddle his wares over at Fox. They'll give anyone a platform.
At first I wanted to write a rebuttal on here but after a quick re-read I noticed that there really isn't anything to argue against. Its really just a series of random statements loosely tied to 9/11. So instead, I have this:
An editorial should basically be a short essay. You have an opinion to share and you use your savvy as a writer and researcher to support it. A proper essay is structured as follows:
1. Introduce your topic
2. Formulate an argument
3. Using evidence (empirical or otherwise), defend your argument
4. Conclude the essay
Of these 4 steps, by far the most important is #3. In quantifiable academic terms, the use of evidence (relevance and depth of research) is paramount to getting a passing grade - say 70-80% of your mark. In this regard, Ralph Peters fails miserably.
Evidence:
After introducing his topic (the 9/11 legacy) Ralph forms a very succinct argument: "We've learned nothing" (loss of marks for poor grammar here). Yet after a promising start this piece goes off the rails almost immediately.
"Instead of acknowledging that radical Islam is the problem, we elected a president who blames America" .... "Instead of protecting law-abiding Americans, we reject profiling to avoid offending terrorists." ..... "Instead of asking why Middle Eastern civilization has failed so abjectly, our president suggests that we're the failures. " .... "Instead of proudly and promptly rebuilding on the site of the Twin Towers, we've committed ourselves to the hopeless, useless task of rebuilding Afghanistan."
Spurious hyperbole and partisan rhetoric is not evidence. Not one source was noted, no stats referenced and not even a single quote in this series of quick strike talking points.
This is dangerous, irresponsible journalism. Not because I disagree with him, but because his "arguments" carry a significant amount of influence with the slack jawed masses that DO agree with him - without question. I'm not suggestion censure either, but an editor should have the balls to demand his contributors (Peters is not a NYpost writer, he's freelance) back up their claims with tangible evidence if they are going to write such inflammatory editorials as this.
Or, if you receive a paper that basically calls Obama an America hating, Christian and Jew hating, Saudi loving, freedom oppressing, elitist nigger who's in cahoots with Bin Laden.... tell the author to go fuck himself and peddle his wares over at Fox. They'll give anyone a platform.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Words I hope make a comeback...
Is it just me or is slang today really fucking lazy? It seem all one has to do is replace the last syllable with "izzle" (as in "For Shizzle") or just drop the last syllable entirely (as in "I'm getting off at Bloor Stache" as opposed to Bloor "Station"). Is a two syllable word really that fucking difficult to say? What a bunch of fat, bloated, decadent, spoiled, lazy fucks we are. Don't even get me started on BRB or BFF or WTF being included in the SPOKEN lexicon. Ugh....
So, without further ado, here is a collection of five slang words I hope to make popular again:
Righteous: What a great slang this is. First, its multisyllabic which makes it a difficult word for today's hip cat to pronounce. Second, its a real goddamn word. Meaning to act in accord with divine or moral law, its a stroke of genius to parlay it into an exclamation for anything of utmost cool. As if God himself decreed it. "The Tool concert was the most Righteous show I've ever seen!" Indeed.
Rad or Radical: Again, its a real word and multisyllabic. A complicated word in its traditional form, Radical has meaning in politics (extreme and rigid), sociology (major shift or change), math (algebra - root quantities) and chemistry (a destabilizing molecule). As it relates to this topic however, the word has been co opted to mean anything completely out of the ordinary, often shocking, but always awesome. "Did you see that goal Malkin scored last night? It was Rad as fuck!"
Bitchin: This is more of a quick strike declaration of cool. Whereas Righteous and Radical are reserved for events that require a bit more contemplation, Bitchin can be used when the circumstances call for a more immediate response. "Wow, that car is really Bitchin" or "Bitchin shoes, where did you get them?" and so on...
Heinous: This is another great word and takes us in a different direction than the previous three. Meaning outrageously evil or wicked, its been only slightly altered to describe anything NOT cool (but also not to be confused with anti-cool such as nerd or geek) like a stunt gone wrong. "You see that youtube video where the skateboarder bails and cracks his head open? It was heinous." I've been using this word for years. Heinous is bitchin.
Twat: This is simply a great word and I just don't understand why it doesn't have more appeal. One of a myriad of colloquialisms for vagina, the proper usage of this word can be devastatingly awesome. If I called someone (usually another dude) a Twat, its less a generic insult and more a statement on the individuals worth (or lack thereof) as a man. Whereas "pussy" denotes cowardice, a Twat goes much further. Weak, cowardly, and untrustworthy, a Twat is not someone you want with you in a foxhole, to know a secret about you or dating your sister. He is everything a man should NOT be. Twats are Heinous.
Now is the time for slang to be cool again. And not this lazy, douche nonsense we hear uttered everywhere by mindless Twats. Be forthright, be Righteous, and lets end this bullshit era of the "izzle". Rad.
So, without further ado, here is a collection of five slang words I hope to make popular again:
Righteous: What a great slang this is. First, its multisyllabic which makes it a difficult word for today's hip cat to pronounce. Second, its a real goddamn word. Meaning to act in accord with divine or moral law, its a stroke of genius to parlay it into an exclamation for anything of utmost cool. As if God himself decreed it. "The Tool concert was the most Righteous show I've ever seen!" Indeed.
Rad or Radical: Again, its a real word and multisyllabic. A complicated word in its traditional form, Radical has meaning in politics (extreme and rigid), sociology (major shift or change), math (algebra - root quantities) and chemistry (a destabilizing molecule). As it relates to this topic however, the word has been co opted to mean anything completely out of the ordinary, often shocking, but always awesome. "Did you see that goal Malkin scored last night? It was Rad as fuck!"
Bitchin: This is more of a quick strike declaration of cool. Whereas Righteous and Radical are reserved for events that require a bit more contemplation, Bitchin can be used when the circumstances call for a more immediate response. "Wow, that car is really Bitchin" or "Bitchin shoes, where did you get them?" and so on...
Heinous: This is another great word and takes us in a different direction than the previous three. Meaning outrageously evil or wicked, its been only slightly altered to describe anything NOT cool (but also not to be confused with anti-cool such as nerd or geek) like a stunt gone wrong. "You see that youtube video where the skateboarder bails and cracks his head open? It was heinous." I've been using this word for years. Heinous is bitchin.
Twat: This is simply a great word and I just don't understand why it doesn't have more appeal. One of a myriad of colloquialisms for vagina, the proper usage of this word can be devastatingly awesome. If I called someone (usually another dude) a Twat, its less a generic insult and more a statement on the individuals worth (or lack thereof) as a man. Whereas "pussy" denotes cowardice, a Twat goes much further. Weak, cowardly, and untrustworthy, a Twat is not someone you want with you in a foxhole, to know a secret about you or dating your sister. He is everything a man should NOT be. Twats are Heinous.
Now is the time for slang to be cool again. And not this lazy, douche nonsense we hear uttered everywhere by mindless Twats. Be forthright, be Righteous, and lets end this bullshit era of the "izzle". Rad.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
A Saturday Morning Diatribe Fo Yo Ass
Werd.
Street Spitters: You are all disgusting pigs and I hope you get AIDS in your fucking eyeballs. Nickleback: Every time you release a single an Autistic child gets inappropriately touched. Shame on you. Jews: Keep giving birth to hot and edgy daughters. Mmmmm...... jewish chicks.... Mainstream Journalists: 90% of you are whores. Anything Joe the Plumber said or Britany Speers did is not news. Is your soul really that worthless? Reality Television Producers: Congratulations, you have successfully dumbed down the collective intelligence of millions. This is why the terrorists will win. Speaking of which..... War on Terror: Thank god this horsehit is over. How do you declare war against a military tactic anyways? That's like MLB declaring war against the squeeze play. Bill Murray: You're the fucking king. Never die. Porn: Way too much plot. Smarten up. Hollywood: Rumour has it that James McTeigue (Matrix, V For Vendetta) is set to direct the movie version of one of my favorite books, Altered Carbon. Please, please, please don't fuck this up! Stephen Harper: Go fuck yourself.
Street Spitters: You are all disgusting pigs and I hope you get AIDS in your fucking eyeballs. Nickleback: Every time you release a single an Autistic child gets inappropriately touched. Shame on you. Jews: Keep giving birth to hot and edgy daughters. Mmmmm...... jewish chicks.... Mainstream Journalists: 90% of you are whores. Anything Joe the Plumber said or Britany Speers did is not news. Is your soul really that worthless? Reality Television Producers: Congratulations, you have successfully dumbed down the collective intelligence of millions. This is why the terrorists will win. Speaking of which..... War on Terror: Thank god this horsehit is over. How do you declare war against a military tactic anyways? That's like MLB declaring war against the squeeze play. Bill Murray: You're the fucking king. Never die. Porn: Way too much plot. Smarten up. Hollywood: Rumour has it that James McTeigue (Matrix, V For Vendetta) is set to direct the movie version of one of my favorite books, Altered Carbon. Please, please, please don't fuck this up! Stephen Harper: Go fuck yourself.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Cut and Paste - Tool of a Lazy Blogger
Actually, I'm more hung over as opposed to lazy. I read this article and thought I'd post it since I'm a bit of a Science Fiction geek. Most of these I've read but I will definitely pick up the others.
-------------------------------
Some science fiction novels can't be translated into films, but others are perfect for big screen enjoyment. Here are our nominations for the next big scifi movies, ripped from the pages of your favorite books.
This book has been optioned for a film, and reading through it in a day, I can see why: It's exciting, it's easy to get into and read and it's got a neat and tidy plot. There are archetypal villains, superhero teams with plenty of back story material for tie-ins and years of comics and a fun storyline. But there is also a realistic approach to the world of superheroes, something that Hancock proved was marketable. I suspect that whoever holds the movie rights to this book will be watching Watchmen's performance at the box office.
Coyote is a book that could take up several films without breaking a sweat. Steele tells a sweeping tale of political intrigue, planetary science and the building of a new society over the course of several sections, each a fairly self-contained entry in a larger story. The first section sees a future America (The United Republic of America), a pseudo-Fascist society that has sunk a good part of the economy into a mission that would colonize another world - Coyote. This first section alone could make a fantastic film, as could the next several stories as the new colonists take control of the ship and mission and build a new world. Not all of the stories could really be adapted, but there are enough there to make a very good franchise of films. Steele has already jumped the gun by posting a short ‘trailer' for a movie on his website.
Where some books are fairly simple and easy to adapt, this book just isn't. It's complicated, daunting and deliberate, but it contains one of the most fantastic stories that I have had yet to read. It would take quite a bit of work to really get the essence of the book, but it could be edited creatively to capture some of the major plots - or made into a BBC miniseries. Set in an alternative 19th century England during the Napoleonic wars, this book features magicians fighting for their country, sorcerers who feud in drawing rooms, and the return of magic to England. The Lord of the Rings proved that what was thought to be an unfilmable tome could be turned into a fantastic set of films, while The Prestige has shown that late 19th century tales of magic can be both melancholy and fantastical. In 2004, the book was optioned, but the project seems to have fallen by the wayside.
-------------------------------
Some science fiction novels can't be translated into films, but others are perfect for big screen enjoyment. Here are our nominations for the next big scifi movies, ripped from the pages of your favorite books.
Unfortunately, there are a number of adaptations that don't meet or really fail expectations. Alan Moore's comic books come to mind. But the news that Roland Emmerich might be directing Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy, and that Scott Derrickson is set to direct an adaptation of Hyperion isn't exactly promising either. So here's our antidote: A short list of books that would likely make good films (and television series) that would succeed in theaters, and be fun to watch.
Mars, Ben Bova
Ben Bova is a solid name in the SF genre, and Mars is a book that can easily be translated to the big screen. The premise is fairly simple and straightforward: 25 astronauts from Earth go to Mars, land, and begin exploring. There's the usual drama and excitement present here, but what this book really conveys is the sheer beauty and majesty of the Red Planet, something that really hasn't been done with films such as Red Planet and Mission to Mars, to name a couple recent ones.
Kindred, Octavia Butler
This is a time travel story by the late Octavia Butler, one that would be a good candidate for adaptation. The story revolves around an African-American woman in 1976 Los Angeles who is pulled back in time by her white ancestor, and has to reconcile the two eras, while working to ensure her own survival. Fast-paced and topical, this is the type of book that could do extremely well as a smart action-adventure movie.
This book has been optioned for a film, and reading through it in a day, I can see why: It's exciting, it's easy to get into and read and it's got a neat and tidy plot. There are archetypal villains, superhero teams with plenty of back story material for tie-ins and years of comics and a fun storyline. But there is also a realistic approach to the world of superheroes, something that Hancock proved was marketable. I suspect that whoever holds the movie rights to this book will be watching Watchmen's performance at the box office.
Probability Moon, Nancy Kress
This book is essentially what Stargate SG-1 should have been. The novel is set amidst an interplanetary war between humanity and the Fallers, an aggressive alien race. The main action occurs on World, where a human team discovers an artificial moon made from an ancient alien tech (which also allows for interplanetary travel) that might hold the key to humanity's survival. The plot is nothing new as far as movies go, but it is straightforward, interesting and a solid read. Visually, this could be stunning, with exploration on a planet and in space. There are also two sequels, Probability Sun and Probability Space, which could become sequels if the first movie does well.
Altered Carbon, Richard K. Morgan
Richard Morgan's first book is one that would be difficult to translate to the screen, but if done right, it would be a fantastic film. Set five hundred years into the future, the story revolves around Takeshi Kovacs, a former soldier, in a world where people can download their consciousness into other bodies. Kovacs is set to investigate a wealthy man's supposed suicide, and he uncovers a conspiracy that has wide-ranging impact. It's a hardboiled cyberpunk-ish crime noir novel with enough action and violence to keep viewers excited. The book has been optioned as a film with James McTeigue attached as director - if this happens it's good news because he worked on Attack of the Clones, The Matrix trilogy, Dark City and directed V for Vendetta.
Ringworld, Larry Niven
Ringworld, the tale of a dying halo world around a distant sun, is an absolute classic in the SF genre. The story is one of epic proportions, of exploration, romance, destiny and space opera – all good elements for a science fiction film. There is a lot of potential here, and a lot of possibilities for tone and content, with a direct and exciting storyline that covers high tech space travel to abandoned cities, feudal tribes, fantastic aliens, but also bigger themes of one's place in the world and similar notions. Plus, there would be some of the best visuals that you're likely to ever see on the big screen. Rumors of a film have existed since it was announced by the Niven in 2001, with the SciFi Channel announcing in 2004 that there would be a miniseries based on the book, but there has been little news since then.
City of Pearl, Karen Traviss
Karen Traviss burst onto the SF scene with her first novel, City of Pearl, which takes place in the near future with an expedition to Cavanagh's Star to reconnect with a colony for political and economic purposes. While there, the main characters are launched into a situation that involves first contact, interplanetary warfare and scientific discovery. This first book in the series is the most standalone, and could easily be made into a film, with the possibility of sequels. There is action, potentially cool CGI scenes and intelligent storytelling here that could work well on the screen, visually and story wise.
Coyote is a book that could take up several films without breaking a sweat. Steele tells a sweeping tale of political intrigue, planetary science and the building of a new society over the course of several sections, each a fairly self-contained entry in a larger story. The first section sees a future America (The United Republic of America), a pseudo-Fascist society that has sunk a good part of the economy into a mission that would colonize another world - Coyote. This first section alone could make a fantastic film, as could the next several stories as the new colonists take control of the ship and mission and build a new world. Not all of the stories could really be adapted, but there are enough there to make a very good franchise of films. Steele has already jumped the gun by posting a short ‘trailer' for a movie on his website.
The Icarus Hunt, Timothy Zahn
Timothy Zahn is arguably best known for his Heir to the Empire trilogy that essentially started off the Star Wars expanded universe (which would easily make for the next trilogy of Star Wars films that would no doubt top the prequel trilogy), but his non-SW books are also good reads. His standalone novel, The Icarus Hunt, follows the crew of a ship hired to transport a secret cargo across the galaxy, while a large corporation is set on eliminating them, hoping to force them out of business. Corporate crimes in space? We want to see this movie.
Where some books are fairly simple and easy to adapt, this book just isn't. It's complicated, daunting and deliberate, but it contains one of the most fantastic stories that I have had yet to read. It would take quite a bit of work to really get the essence of the book, but it could be edited creatively to capture some of the major plots - or made into a BBC miniseries. Set in an alternative 19th century England during the Napoleonic wars, this book features magicians fighting for their country, sorcerers who feud in drawing rooms, and the return of magic to England. The Lord of the Rings proved that what was thought to be an unfilmable tome could be turned into a fantastic set of films, while The Prestige has shown that late 19th century tales of magic can be both melancholy and fantastical. In 2004, the book was optioned, but the project seems to have fallen by the wayside.
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